OPERATION: world

Hmm... How I long to no longer have to deal with sin. Though sin has lost its clutch on me I still wander back aimlessly on my own will to visit it. Its doing pretty well I suppose. Its got its own room in my heart where it floats around. It feeds on my flesh like bacteria and has a pretty nice feast most days. About twice a week I actually struggle with sin though. I'd like to get this number up because usually I just let sin have its way in my heart. I've tried evicting it and it even seems successful but alas sin isn't gone very long. Sin always shortchanges me when it comes to rent, you'd think since I let him live there he'd give me something worthwhile but its like the more he gives the more he takes. Wherever I go sin is right along with me. I got a new heart a few years back but sin again found its way to it as well. Since day one I think sin has been trying to replace God. So I cry out God please rescue me from the sin I'm daily entangled in. Sometimes God answers most of the time he doesn't. God said that whenever I die though I can live in Heaven with Him, so in a way I'm ready to die. Today in my paper journal I wrote down the sins that I'm having adulterous relationships with. Unfortunately the list was quite long and man its going to stink to have to ask for forgiveness again. It won't be the first time but I wish it was the last. I've got to sharpen my mind to avoid the sin though and rely on God more. I pray Christ has paid my rent even though I shortchange Him. Not only that its like the more I give the more I take away. The "good" deeds I do is like spitting on Christ and putting Him to open shame. Two years ago pride wasn't something I prided myself in. Now I find myself insanely prideful. Christ you are more than enough for me and my follies. Will you have me back once again? I've chased other lovers and they left me empty and alone. Will you be there when I desire something less? Grab me by the throat and remind me, let me be victorious in evicting sin, chasten and discipline me when I run away from you. God make yourself my first love, I need your love daily.